claritylit's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- clean and sober I woke up this morning and felt more like myself than I have in several years. I hadn't realized how quietly the medication had crept into my brain and changed me. I could feel the slight dulling of my reflexes, both physical and mental. I could feel a wispy fog hanging around in my brain, making thought a difficult process that required concentration. I could feel it, but I never understood it. Until it was gone. It's gone now, and I feel so much better. I can think and feel; I can feel an interest in life that I haven't felt for so long I didn't even realize it was gone. I may be back on the roller coaster, but at the moment, it will be better than the endless standing in line. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ In other news, my mother has returned from California, from her visit to her own mother. She said it went pretty well, and she was personally grateful for the numbing effects of Zoloft, because comments that might otherwise have upset her slid off like water. I vacuumed the house today, and included the part of the bedroom carpet that I've gone through with a comb to get all the hair out. It's so gross, I almost can't stand doing it. I was thinking about leaving it and then hiring a carpet cleaner when we move out, but then Matt said his mother would clean the carpet, and I fear her reaction to what I let that carpet turn into. I even mopped and dusted. Go me! The builder finally started clearing our lot on Monday. Thank god. I went up yesterday and took a look at it. We decided to take down a couple more trees than we had planned on for safety reasons, i.e., not wanting to deal with the damage if they come down on the house. The lot looks really bare and scary now, but it will look great when they start putting the house up, and we're not looking at a big bare spot in an otherwise wooded lot. Matt and I are going up this weekend to start yardwork already! We're clearing out the underbrush around the oak trees, and taking out the scraggly ones, and generally cleaning it up. I'd like to have grass under them, so it looks more like a park, but Matt's so not a grass guy. That may be something I have to talk him into later on. I'm making chicken soup for dinner. I've got it in the pot, and will cook the noodles up later. Everything I used is cleaned up already. It's amazing what kind of difference that makes. I'm gonna get started on emailing people now, since I've been very lax. I can't wait until my computer is *not* on the kitchen table, so I can get a little more privacy. 3:36 pm - January 8, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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